Breaking Bad Habits

In this article, I’d like to share some thoughts on bad habits and how to break them, using a 3 Step process founded on principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). Bad habits can be changed, but it takes work and clear thinking! Read on for more.

In my experience, most people know what their bad habits are. 

Bad habits have a remarkable variety (and resistance to change). Some procrastinate, or overeat, or drink too much. For some, their bad habits revolve around other people, like staying in unhealthy relationships too long (or repeating bad relationship choices). Maybe you’re struggling with a habit that is becoming ever-more problematic: Doomscrolling late into the night and ruining your sleep health.

Whatever the habit, the problem is usually not a lack of awareness or knowing where it came from. The problem is how to quit the bad habit and stop the harm it’s causing you.

At least one reason why habits are so difficult to break is that they’re maintained by deeply ingrained interpretations, emotional reactions, and behaviours that repeat over time. And many attempts to change habits fail because they focus only on behaviour while ignoring the thinking that drives it.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) approaches bad habits differently. It recognises that habits are not random. They are usually supported by:

• certain interpretations,
• certain emotional reactions,
• and low tolerance for discomfort.

In REBT we focus on all three.

A particularly useful way to think about habit change in REBT is through a three-step approach:

1. Challenge the interpretations and behaviours that maintain the habit.
2. Replace them with healthier and more realistic alternatives.
3. Maintain gains by building frustration tolerance and preparing for setbacks.

Let’s look at each in turn.

Step 1: Challenge the Interpretations and Behaviours Maintaining the Habit

One of the most important REBT insights is this:

• Bad habits are usually maintained because they temporarily solve some kind of emotional problem.

I’ll use the habit of overeating as an example:

Most people who struggle with overeating already know the behaviour is harming them. The issue is usually not lack of information. They know the consequences:

• reduced energy,
• health concerns,
• frustration with themselves and self-blame
• physical discomfort,
• less confidence.

Yet the behaviour continues because certain interpretations keep driving it.

For example:

• “I deserve this after the day I’ve had!”
• “Food is the only thing helping me relax right now.”
• “I cannot stand this craving!”
• “One bad evening won’t matter.”
• “I’ve already overeaten today, so I may as well go for broke!.”
• “Life is stressful enough already.”

Notice what is happening here.

The person is not merely eating because they are hungry or love food too much. They are often using food to:

• escape discomfort,
• regulate emotion,
• reward themselves,
• or temporarily soothe frustration, loneliness, anxiety, or boredom.

REBT pays close attention to the interpretations that maintain the habit.

Very often, those interpretations involve:

• cultivating low frustration tolerance,
• Favouring short-term thinking,
• And employing emotional reasoning.

For example:

Low frustration tolerance:

“I cannot stand feeling deprived! I must have satisfaction right now, or I’ll go insane!”

Emotional reasoning:

“I feel stressed, and had a terrible day, so I deserve a reward and I need to have it right now!”

Short-term relief thinking:

“I need relief now, even if I regret it later or it has far greater costs to my health down the line.”

These interpretations maintain the behaviour because overeating temporarily reduces discomfort. The person feels soothed for a short while, even though the long-term consequences become worse.

REBT helps challenge these interpretations directly.

For example:

• Is it really true that discomfort is unbearable? Will I really die or go insane if I resist my cravings for snacks and food?
• Does eating actually solve the problem I’m dealing with, or merely postpone it, or deflect me away from dealing with it?
• Am I confusing a strong preference for gratification with a dire need I cannot live without? 
• What happens tomorrow if I keep responding this way right now?

These questions cut to the heart of bad habits. Changing these unhelpful interpretations can go a long way to breaking bad habits.  

Step 2: Replace Unhelpful Interpretations and Behaviours

REBT does not simply encourage people to “stop overeating.” That rarely works for long (or at all).

Instead, we focus on replacing rigid and self-defeating interpretations with healthier and more realistic ones.

For example:

Old interpretation:

“I deserve this food as a reward for my bad day!”

Healthier interpretation:

“I certainly would like to have the comfort of food after a day like this, but I don’t absolutely have to be rewarded with food (or at all). It’s simply a preference. Not a dire need. I can survive not being rewarded, even if it’s a pain. And, if I resist the craving, I’ll move closer to my health goals and not farther away.”

This shift matters enormously because the goal is not deprivation for its own sake. The goal is learning how to tolerate discomfort without automatically turning to the bad habit.

REBT also focuses heavily on replacing behaviours, not just interpretations.

Someone trying to reduce overeating might:

• pause before eating impulsively,
• delay acting on cravings for fifteen minutes,
• identify emotional triggers more clearly,
• develop healthier forms of relaxation,
• eat more intentionally rather than automatically,
• or tolerate emotional discomfort directly instead of numbing it.

The important point is this:

• lasting habit change usually requires replacing the emotional function the habit was serving.

If overeating helped someone soothe anxiety or frustration, they need healthier ways of dealing with those feelings instead of relying entirely on food.

Step 3: Maintain Gains and Prevent Relapse

This is where high frustration tolerance becomes essential.

Many people initially improve, but later encounter stress, disappointment, exhaustion, or cravings and fall back into old patterns.

At that point, irrational interpretations often return:

• “I’ve blown it.”
• “I have no self-control, I’m such a no-good, overeating worm!”
• “One bad day means I’m back where I started, this is never going to improve!”
• “This is too hard! It’s hopeless.”

REBT strongly challenges this kind of thinking because it often turns a temporary lapse into a full relapse.

Instead, people are encouraged to respond with realistic anti-irrational counters such as:

• “One difficult evening does not erase months of progress. Setbacks are frustrating, not catastrophic.”
• “I can learn from this instead of condemning myself. Everybody struggles with bad habits, and I’m no different or especially worm-like just because I’m struggling.”
• “This is hard, but not too hard or impossible. Progress is rarely perfect and there will be bumps along the way. I can try again tomorrow.”

This orientation helps people recover more quickly rather than spiralling into shame and hopelessness.

And crucially, REBT continues strengthening frustration tolerance:

• “Yes, cravings are uncomfortable.”
• “Yes, changing habits is difficult.”
• “But difficulty is not the same thing as impossibility.”

That mindset is often the difference between temporary motivation and lasting change.

Many people sabotage habit change because they secretly (or explicitly) demand immediate success.

They might tell themselves:

• “I must change quickly! If I don’t, I’m no good.”
• “This should not feel difficult, it should be way easier by now!”
• “If I relapse, I’m a failure!”

These interpretations create discouragement and hopelessness the moment progress becomes uneven (which it will).

REBT encourages a more realistic approach.

Changing long-standing habits is difficult because:

• the behaviours are rehearsed,
• the emotional rewards are immediate,
• and the mind prefers familiarity, even if it is ultimately bad for you.

Expecting change to feel uncomfortable is not pessimism. It is realism.

A healthier stance, advocated by REBT is:

• “I’d like to change, and I really want to change soon, but there is no reason to believe that it must happen quickly. In fact, evidence suggests that this will take time and hard work. This will probably be difficult.”
• “I’d certainly like this to be easier than it is, but it clearly is not. Why should it be easier? No reason. Too damned bad that it’s this tough! I’ll persevere anyway!”
• “Relapse is part of recovery. It will happen, but doesn’t magically erase my previous successes. I’ll try better next time!”

This orientation dramatically improves persistence.

Additional Help with the 3 Steps

To further strengthen the 3-step approach to breaking bad habits, REBT focuses on a few key concepts known to assist along the way.

Building High Frustration Tolerance

Low frustration tolerance is one of the biggest drivers of bad habits.

REBT teaches people to actively strengthen frustration tolerance by repeatedly reminding themselves:

• “This is uncomfortable, yes, but not unbearable.”
• “Urges pass, this one will be no different.”
• “I do not need immediate relief, I simply prefer it. And if I resist this craving, I’ll gain more than I lose from the experience.”

This mindset is incredibly important because many habits are essentially attempts to escape discomfort quickly.

The person is not just chasing pleasure. They are avoiding frustration.

In addition, REBT teaches that purposefully practicing tough assignments, or placing yourself in frustrating situations, can go a long way toward cultivating higher frustration tolerance. 

For instance, it may be useful to purposefully seek out situations where your frustration tolerance will be tested, to learn that you can resist immediate gratification: Go to a sweet shop or fast food outlet and order only a water or sugar-free soda.

As frustration tolerance increases, bad habits lose a lot of their power.

Anti-Irrational Counters

REBT also encourages people to prepare rational responses ahead of time.

These are sometimes called anti-irrational counters.

For example:

Irrational interpretation:

“I’ve already slipped up today, so I may as well continue and go for broke!”

Rational counter:

“One mistake does not translate into total failure. That’s magical thinking! No matter how many mistakes I make, not making the next one is always better than making more!”

Irrational interpretation:

“This craving is unbearable. I must have food right now or else!”

Rational counter:

“This is unpleasant, but it’s a temporary pain. I can tolerate it like I’ve tolerated other temporary pains before. I cannot die or go insane if I resist eating right now.”

These counters help interrupt automatic thinking patterns before they spiral into relapse.

Final Thoughts

REBT ultimately aims for more than simple habit removal.

The broader goal is helping people become:

• more self-directing,
• more frustration tolerant,
• less emotionally reactive,
• and less dependent on short-term relief.

People often assume that changing habits means learning self-discipline alone.

REBT suggests something a little different:

• lasting habit change usually requires learning how to think differently about discomfort, effort, setbacks, and imperfection.

If this article helped you, let me know! Thanks for reading.

For help, drop me a line at: marcelharper@rationaltherapy.co.za