Sometimes, life can feel like one darn thing after another. It’s relatively easy to get overly upset about this state of affairs, leading to further complications. In this article, I show you how to avoid letting everyday hassles get the better of you!
Life is full of hassles: Unexpected expenses, a demanding boss, dealing with bureaucracy, or navigating difficult conversations. These everyday adversities can build up and wear us down.
But only if we let them.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) offers a practical, no-nonsense approach to handling life’s inevitable challenges without letting them derail our emotional well-being.
The following principles and ideas will help you to cope better with everyday obstacles, and may even clue you in on how to deal with more extreme challenges as well!
You Don’t Control the World, Just Your Attitude
It’s tempting to believe that people should be reasonable, plans must go smoothly, and life ought to be fair.
But when we impose these rigid demands on reality, we set ourselves up for stress and disappointment. The truth is, life is unpredictable, and people often don’t behave the way we expect them to.
The REBT Shift: Instead of thinking, “This shouldn’t be happening!” try, “I’d prefer things to go more smoothly, but I can handle it when they don’t.”
Remember: Flexibility leads to resilience.
Annoying Isn’t the Same as Unbearable
A coworker missing a deadline, a last-minute cancellation, or your printer running out of ink at 99 can be irritating, but these situations are rarely unbearable.
We suffer more when we tell ourselves we can’t stand such inconveniences, or that they are unacceptable or unbearable.
Clearly, when you say such things you are actually bearing them at that moment, even though you don’t have to like it.
Usually, things work out better when you acknowledge frustrations and setbacks as a necessary (albeit regrettable) part of life!
The REBT Shift: Instead of “I can’t deal with this!” why not try, “This is frustrating, but I can tolerate it,” instead. Discomfort is not great, but it sure isn’t unbearable either.
You’re the One in Charge of Your Emotions
It’s easy to blame others for how we feel: “They made me so mad!”
But emotions don’t come from events themselves, otherwise, everyone would feel the same in response to the same events. But they don’t.
Instead, our feelings are products of how we interpret those events. Someone being rude or dismissive doesn’t automatically determine your reaction. Your perspective and interpretations play a key role.
The REBT Shift: Instead of “They ruined my day!” try, “I don’t like how they acted, but I get to decide how much I’ll let it affect me.”
Remember: You are always in charge of your response.
Replace Musts with Preferences
Rigid beliefs about how things must be, such as “My efforts must be acknowledged and recognized!” or “This task should be way easier by now!” set us up for unnecessary frustration.
It turns out that preciously few things in life are true needs that must be fulfilled.
Air, water and a minimum of food qualify, but apart from those most of our needs are actually just desires. Therefore, REBT teaches you to change from making demands to cultivating preferences.
The REBT Shift: Instead of “This issue must be resolved by now!” try, “I’d like it to be different, but I realize that the world does not need to arrange itself around my preferences. Too damned bad!”
Flexible thinking reduces unnecessary stress. And when you are less emotionally upset, you are far more likely to come up with good solutions to your dilemma.
Embrace Discomfort Instead of Resisting it
A lot of distress comes from believing you shouldn’t have to deal with frustration, inconvenience, or difficulty.
But discomfort is a normal and expected part of life. Resisting it only intensifies your suffering, while accepting it helps us move forward.
The REBT Shift: Instead of “I shouldn’t have to deal with this!” say, “This isn’t ideal, but I can handle it.”
Accepting reality helps you respond more effectively.
Final Thoughts: Progress, not Perfection
You won’t stop feeling frustrated overnight, and that’s okay. REBT isn’t about eliminating all negative emotions. It’s about developing the ability to manage them wisely. The more you practice replacing rigid thinking with flexible, rational attitudes, the better you’ll handle the ups and downs of daily life.
Life will always present challenges. But by applying the ideas above, you can decide whether they control you or whether you take them in stride.
Thanks for reading!
For help, drop me a line at: marcelharper@rationaltherapy.co.za