We can cause ourselves a lot of dismay and unpleasantness by convincing ourselves that certain things are simply unbearable. In REBT, we refer to this sort of attitude as “I-can-stand-it-titis”: The belief that adversities can be unbearable and impossible to survive. In this article, I’ll show some practical ways to overcome this common ailment.
There you are, stuck in traffic, the car ahead refusing to budge, and every second feels like an hour. Or maybe you’re waiting on hold with customer service, listening to that chirpy “Your call is important to us” message for the umpteenth time. A boiling sense of injustice rises inside you.
You think, “This is unbearable! I shouldn’t have to deal with this!”
That, dear reader, is low frustration tolerance (LFT) kicking in. It’s that little inner tantrum we throw when reality doesn’t match our expectations.
But here’s the good news: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) offers us a way to counter it—without losing our minds.
What Is Low Frustration Tolerance?
Low frustration tolerance (LFT) is the attitude that life should always be easy, convenient, and free of discomfort. It’s not just being annoyed at discomfort: It’s a deeper resistance to the fact that things are the way they are.
LFT stems from rigid attitudes and self-talk such as:
- “I can’t stand this!”
- “This shouldn’t be happening!”
- “This is too much to handle!”
- “Life must be easier than this!”
Notice the words: can’t, shouldn’t, must. These absolutes create a tug-of-war with reality: One we’re guaranteed to lose.
Why Do We Fall Into the LFT Trap?
Let’s be honest. Life can be hard, unfair, and downright irritating.
Nobody wakes up excited to deal with slow internet or a stubborn toddler. But when we demand that life always run smoothly, we set ourselves up for unnecessary distress.
LFT is like trying to fight gravity. You can yell at it all you want, but you’re still going to drop that coffee cup if you let go.
The Flexible Way Out
Thankfully, cultivating flexible attitudes gives us practical tools to challenge LFT and build our tolerance for life’s frustrations. Here’s how:
Reality Check Your Beliefs
Start by identifying the attitudes fueling your frustration. Are you telling yourself something like, “This is unbearable” or “I shouldn’t have to suffer like this”? Challenge these beliefs by asking yourself:
- Is this really unbearable, or is it just uncomfortable?
- What evidence do I have that life must go my way?
- Can I really not stand this: i.e. will I be reduced to a puddle of blood if I had to stand it some more?
Most of the time, we’ll find that while adversities are annoying, they are not the end of the world.
Try Alternative Ideas
Instead of saying, “I can’t stand this,” try:
“I don’t like this, but I can tolerate it.”
“This is hard, but it’s not impossible.”
“This is unpleasant, but hardly too much to bear or the end of the world”
By changing the way you think about adversities and the language you use, you can shift your mindset from helplessness to resilience.
Adopt a Long-Term View
LFT thrives on short-term thinking. When stuck in frustration, ask yourself:
- Will this matter a week from now?
- How does reacting this way serve my goals?
Often, what feels monumental in the moment shrinks when viewed in context.
Embrace Discomfort as Part of Life
Here’s a hard truth: life will never be perfectly convenient or pain-free.
But discomfort isn’t the enemy—it’s part of being human. In fact, tolerating frustration is like a muscle; the more you flex it, the stronger it gets.
Let’s face it: frustration is kind of funny when you think about it. Imagine telling someone from 100 years ago, “I just spent two whole minutes waiting for my streaming service to load—it’s unbearable!” They’d probably laugh, right?
Sometimes, all it takes is a little perspective to lighten the load. Next time you feel your LFT flaring up, try asking yourself:
- Is this really worth the emotional energy I’m giving it?
- Will venting and getting upset actually solve anything?
Odds are, the answer is no.
Building Your Frustration Tolerance: A Practice
Overcoming low frustration tolerance doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a practice, like learning to meditate or train for a marathon. I suggest that you start small:
- The next time you’re in a long queue or in gridlocked traffic, resist the urge to grumble. Instead, focus on your breath or listen to a podcast.
- When plans fall apart, remind yourself: “I don’t like this, but I can handle it.”
Each time you practice tolerating frustration, you’re teaching your brain a new way to respond—a way that promotes calm and clarity rather than stress and drama.
Final Thoughts
Life isn’t a perfectly curated experience. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of irritations.
But these challenges don’t have to derail us. With flexible attitudes and a dose of reasonable thinking, we can learn to accept life’s discomforts without magnifying them.
So, next time you’re ready to declare, “I can’t stand this!” take a deep breath, smile at the absurdity of it all, and remind yourself: you can stand it. You’ve stood it before, and you’ll stand it again.
For more on this, give me a call and set up an appointment.
Thanks for reading.